Specifically I’m referring to my emotions. For those of you into astrology I will just say that my ascendant sign is Cancer, the Cardinal water sign. As a male of the species I feel I have been burdened with this … ahem … particular blessing. I say burdened because I’m over six feet tall, about 220 pounds and usually the first one to shed tears. Jokingly I have said I even cry tears of happiness at the end of the cartoon when the Road Runner escapes from Wiley E. Coyote. It’s not as much of an exaggeration as you might think.

This topic, about me, came up toward the end of the “Healing …” seminar. I got emotionally involved in some issue and started wiping my eyes on my sleeves and apologizing. Lauren helpfully suggested that I might be able to get assistance from my spirit guides on the issue. You should have heard the women laugh at me when I asked if my helpful spirits would actually help me stop crying.  “No, no, no,” Lauren replied emphatically, “the idea is that they would help you reduce your guilty feelings about crying in public.”

“Oh ..” I said, the light dawning. I admit I felt like an idiot.

I did take her advice … about six weeks later. I was in the process of typing my notes into my journal when I realized I hadn’t followed up on her worthwhile idea. So on May 31st, 2012, I journeyed in my living room, seated on my couch, listening to one of the drumming tracks.

Journey: My intention was to learn how to express my emotions in public without feeling awkward or ashamed. I went to the Lower World – none of my power animals were interested. The pretty much ignored me. My younger male teacher showed up and offered to help. We merged and went to the Upper World and met with my woman teacher. She is a lovely lady. I think she’s either American Indian or Hispanic, maybe both. She gave me hugs and kisses and I kissed and hugged her back. I asked her to tell me from her perspective what she thought about the issue. She smiled at me (she must have heard my stupid question) and told me the following:

A.) There’s no need for me to feel embarrassed or think that I’m displaying weakness; those are just superficial teachings that men tell each other in order to seem ‘macho’. Men who don’t express their feelings are the ones who have problems. They are the ones who don’t understand and are afraid of how they appear.

B.) Just be myself; don’t be embarrassed or ashamed and don’t pretend to be; accept myself for who I am. If someone doesn’t like who I am, that is their problem.

C.) Eliminate the ego-role that is associated with these feelings. Quit falling into this trap and quit apologizing for it.

I thanked her for her advice and I thanked my male teacher for traveling with me. The drumming track ended and I returned to my living room. In retrospect I think her advice has helped me. Sometimes I still do show my emotions publicly but I don’t make any apologies for it and I’m feeling better about myself when it happens. Thanks also to Lauren for the suggestion.

Next blog: Soul Retrieval